There’s a new state health inspector in town. And he’s rigidly by the book. Not something we see a lot of here in laid-back Key West, but when we do, the Coconut Telegraph starts to buzz.
Florida’s Department of Business and Professional Regulation bans dogs from public restaurants and bars. However, the law is rarely enforced. On February 15, the new inspector cited and fined Schooner Wharf Bar for “critical and repeat violation for allowing non-service animals on the premises.”
In a separate sue-crazy incident that aggravates the situation, a Massachusetts tourist who tripped over a dog at Turtle Kraals four years ago was awarded $18,000 for injuries and suffering by a jury this April. In a welcome but uncharacteristically equitable turn of events, the owner of the restaurant/bar was only held accountable for half, negligence being placed equally on the patron. But the 50-percent decision was enough for Turtle Kraals owner, the Southernmost Restaurant Group, to ban dogs from all six of its Key West eateries.
Key West is perhaps the most dog-friendly town in America. And The Schooner, particularly, has a long-standing tradition of patrons hanging out with their pooches, enjoying the salty breeze off the Bight while sipping a cool one, listening to music and, in general, just soaking up the pure Key West ambience of the place. So entrenched is this tradition that the watering hole’s slogan is “Hang with the Big Dogs”, and there is even a song called “Schooner Wharf Bar Dog”.
Not to be daunted, Schooner Wharf owners and patrons – in fact, the whole Historic Seaport neighborhood, and extending to the local community at large – have rallied, paw-in-hand. There’s a loophole in Florida’s “doggie dining” regulations that was signed into permanent law in 2006. Known as the Dixie Cup Clary Local Control Act, it allows cities and counties to override the legislation by adopting a local ordinance. With the sponsorship of one of our City commissioners and the support of all the others, right down to the Mayor, a new ordinance that would legalize the long-standing practice of allowing dogs at open-air Key West restaurants may soon mean that Fido and Fifi will be, once again, taking their well-behaved people out for some quality bonding-and-brew time at their favorite hangouts.
The ordinance will be voted on tomorrow night at the Key West City Commission meeting. Assuming its easy passage, a few simple rules will be required to be followed by the hosting establishments. Among these are a special City permit that requires proof of at least $1 million in liability insurance. Most prudent businesses carry that as a matter of course, so no big deal. Conspicuous signage will have to be posted, advising of the wisdom of regular hand washing (Big Brother, protect us from ourselves …) and sanitizer must be provided.
Dogs will be required to be leashed and won’t be allowed in laps or on chairs. They’ll be “carded” for a current license or rabies tag … and their owners will have to carry the corresponding paperwork, to be produced upon request (eye roll, here …)
Long may the Paper Toting Pooches rule!
It’s almost here! The weekend that Nashville moves to Key West! April 28 – May 2, 
Never mind the rose petals on the bed, the chilled champagne in the bucket, and chocolate-dipped strawberries awaiting her arrival. Never mind the romantic private patio garden with Jacuzzi-for-two under the stars. Never mind, for crying out loud, the excitement of being a newlywed!
It’s estimated that there are 2,000-3,000 chickens roaming this little two-by-four spit of coral rock that we call home. I can only wonder how she missed that fact when planning what one would presume to be the most important vacation of her life. I mean, aren’t brides all about detail? Didn’t that fact give rise to the term, “Bridezilla”, into which they transform when all things don’t go exactly as choreographed?
There is no denying that tourism — the major industry of Key West — has benefited from this funky bit of island culture. The chickens have become iconic – another of the many attractions in Key West. In fact, of all the restaurants in Key West, one in particular – 
Over the years, their population has expanded, and in 2004, they became the subject of controversy bordering on war between those who consider the birds a part of Key West’s historic character and those who view them as a nuisance and just plain want them gone. In a move that might be called an “only in Key West” solution, the city hired a local man to serve as “official chicken catcher”. He was to capture and deport the birds to a free-range farm on the mainland. Amid speculation that the birds were secretly being killed, local pro-chicken factions tampered with traps and otherwise interfered with the round-up. The chicken-catcher position was soon dissolved.
Really. That’s where you will find the best, lip-smacking, eat-it-outta-the-bag-on-your-way-home chicken. This stuff would bring tears to the eyes of that white-haired, soul-patched, Kentucky gentleman who made “finger lickin’ good” a catch phrase.
Just like Key West, there is “something for everyone”, from funky coconut bowling to fine wine tastings designed to curl the pinkie finger of the most discriminating connoisseur.
Spotted on several occasions were thick socks with flip flops (and not those stupid “toe socks”; no, I mean regular socks stuffed down between the big toe and its smaller siblings – ouch!). Multiple layers of hopelessly dated sweaters are the order of the day … along with moth-eaten hats with those funny ear flaps brought along when fleeing the Real World for Paradise’s sunny shores – just in case a ski vacation might be in the future. One resourceful soul was seen shopping at Publix in full Santa suit because it was the warmest thing he owns (true story)!
Our ubiquitous iguanas have been immobilized by the cold, seen sunning on fences and roadsides in a primal drive to absorb heat. Turtles in the ocean were cold-stunned, the fortunate ones being rescued and warmed in kiddie pools at the Turtle Hospital up on Marathon. Today, fish litter the beaches near White Street Pier, the result of of a massive cold kill.
The Southernmost Elves have been hard at work, cooking up a festive holiday season to banish the ghosts of all Christmases Past!
If you were lucky enough to be spending the Thanksgiving holidays in Key West, you perhaps joined the festivities to kick off the 2009 holiday season with the lighting of the Key West “Harbor Walk of Lights” at what we locals call “The Bight” and may appear on your map as “Historic Seaport”. The switch was flipped on thousands of holiday lights lining the Historic Seaport Harbor Walk, which runs for four blocks along the waterfront where Green, William, Margaret, and Grinnell Streets meet the Gulf of Mexico. The lights will sparkle on the water every night through New Years night.
Shortly after sunset, the Harbor Walk of Lights will become complete with the lighting of four Southernmost Christmas Trees, one located at each plaza along the Harbor Walk and one in the Key West Ferry Terminal. The smell of natural pines mingling with the tang of salty sea breeze is unique to a Caribbean Christmas.
If you’re “of a certain age”, you probably grumble about how much more meaningful Christmas used to be. You know, before TV commercials and internet ads moved the gifting frenzy to late summer. Back when everyone in town turned out to see the local high school band march down Main Street in the annual Christmas parade.
Sunday, December 6: Schooner Wharf Tree Trimming Party 5 PM
Saturday, December 12: Annual Lighted Boat Parade
Friday & Saturday, December 18 & 19: Holiday Historic Inn Tour 5:30 to 8PM
At the stroke of midnight, take your pick: the countdown lowering of the Giant Conch Shell at Sloppy Joe’s, the drop of the Pirate Wench from a 110-foot sailboat mast at Schooner Wharf, or the descent of local drag queen, Sushi, in the Red High Heel, in the 700 block of Duval Street. No matter the venue, don’t be surprised to see CNN cameras hovering! Key West has in recent years become a media darling, vying with New york’s Times Square, as Old Year meets New in the Conch Republic. 
Thirty-seven years ago, Phil Peterson came up with the idea of a poker run to boost the motorcycle business, and the Key West tourist trade during the slow September season. What started with 46 riders has grown to become South Florida’s biggest motorcycle party weekend of the year. Today, more than 10,000 riders from all over the U.S. enjoy this event. They rumble from Miami to Key West, enjoying the sunshine, ocean breezes, and riding on the many bridges that cross over the beautiful turquoise water.
Along the way, they make five stops and draw a card at each stop. The winner is the lucky rider who draws the best hand. This year, if you draw one of the top ten hands, you get a chance to play one round of Texas Hold’em at The Guy Harvey Bar & Grill, located on Greene Street, across from Sloppy Joes. The Round will begin Saturday Night at 11:00 p.m., featuring a winner take all, a brand new Sportster 883 Custom! The City of Key West blocks off an eight-block area of Duval Street. A bike show is held in front of Rick’s/ Durty Harry’s and Sloppy Joe’s Bar on Saturday. Locals, tourists, and bikers all enjoy the sights and sounds of this mini-Mardi Gras with its carnival atmosphere, music, food, cold Budweiser, and Cola-Cola.
Everyone benefits, because over the years, these bikers have brought millions of dollars to the Key West economy and charities like the Diabetes Research Foundation, and the Key West Sunrise Rotary Club, who have collected hundreds of thousands of dollars for their worthy causes. If motorcycles ever had a bad reputation with some people, this long-time charity event has gone a long way to giving riders credibility and respect.
If you are a photographer or nature lover, you will revel in the extraordinary atmospheric displays that reliably occur.
